Ok, I know I’m late but hey it’s still the New Year. I’m later for so many reasons one of them being a little bit of the flu I’ve been nursing. Another reason is that I’m finding myself more in-depth with my thoughts and feelings than ever. In the past week every small experience seemed to have great impact. In my writing my goal is to convey to you what I’ve learned, in hopes it would cause you to see something new, something you forgot or even support me in my growing process. I was so encouraged by you all last year after submitting to you my new year’s blog and I hope I can show growth from then to now. So, I’ll attempt to weed through all of the open ended thoughts and feelings I have and give you my version of Ole Lang Syne.
I didn’t know really what I wanted to use this time to express but I knew I didn’t want to do a retrospective of good ole 2008. Oh, I don’t knock 2008; it was actually a pretty good year. For everything I learned last year I should have earned a few college credits. But the thing I love the most about 2008 is that it is over. I’m done sustaining, abstaining, refraining and retraining. In 2009 I hope to stick my head out of the door and see what this butterfly can do. If you know me I’m not gonna run out fast and hurried; I give myself permission to do a test flight or two before I soar.
As I sit here writing I have the song “live your life” by T.I. playing in my head. I’m not a rap fan but I love the message about overcoming, getting over positions you’re put into by others and yourself. It’s about defining life for yourself and following your own path. This was a great song to ride into the New Year on. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKDbYNpTaYE . As I sit here in my chair I find that I’m trying to remain focused. Last year I lost and won so many things and oddly enough remained undefeated. Although I want to move on there’s so much of it I want to leave behind. This year is the start of a new life for me and I only want to take with me the lessons of the previous year. I’m leaving behind friends but will take with me the lessons of their intentions. I’m leaving behind ill will and taking with me well wishes. I leave behind leftovers and other people’s trash but I’ll use the compost to build a garden of my own. Where as once I lived well to exact the best revenge; it is now my intention to live well because I like taking care of myself. Last year I decided to not settle for less. This year I want it all. I want great friends, great food, great love and great shoes. Lot of pressure, huh? You bet your fat fanny it’s a lot of pressure. I figure it couldn’t be any harder than marriage.
Speaking of marriage; as most of you may know last year marked the end of mine. It’s sad any time something beginning with the intention of forever ends before forever comes. It was a long hard road and it is worth a moment of silence that I’ve already taken for us all. Last year marks the time I gained my freedom as well as a positive outlook. Now I am overwhelmed by the need to have new things in my presence. This year and in the years to follow I am willing to experience new experience and the new people those experiences can place in my path.
I bring into the new year with me a new group of friends, who invite travel into my life and not expand my boundaries but rearrange them ever so slightly so I can be who am but open enough to allow them into my life. I bring with me friends who teach me about life on a day to day basis. You take every punch I pull and although I “know no loyalties” you never take it personally. Old friends, of course, I also take you with me. I will always bring you with me because you are the soul of me and my foundation. You are the family I chose. We all know I’m not very big on family, not my family anyway, but I respect my roots and I wear their love like an old winter coat.
On Christmas Day, I received a very special gift from a very old friend. I wasn’t aware that God allowed these types of gifts but I am eve so grateful. Anyhow, as I think of it I understand that it’s a gift of much needed compassion which made a perfect ending to a year lacking it. It was also a great gift to carry into the New Year as I carry it’s meaning with me to usher me through.
Last but not least I HAVE to give credit where it is due to my counselor. If I wasn’t so broke I would tip. Thank you for helping me find my voice and thinking I’m sane.
I wish you all ENOUGH.
I have a great life sprinkled with moments of disappointment that I will or will not recover from. But they will not define me because I am too complex to be defined. I say to you; live your life …… hurt as few people as possible while loving yourself.
Cheers to the New Year.